when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
