I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
