It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
