He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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