I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
