one two three fourrrrnication!
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
