OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My pussy is not your playground.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
