it wasn't lemon gatorade
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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