I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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