Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
