i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
