Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
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