My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
