The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
