They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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