we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
