I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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