Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
