i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this