I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?