Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
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Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
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I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.