I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation