i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.