I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Will exercising make me less horny?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
