did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
