Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
