And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
