at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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