Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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