Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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