i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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