PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize