you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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