a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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