I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
we should paint friendship bongs
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
