I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
