what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
