I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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