I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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