I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
