Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
