I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You took a bar mat shot.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
