Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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