Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
