i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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