Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Randomize
