Need sex. Gaining weight.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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