You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
