He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Too much gin, very little bucket
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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