I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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