I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
