I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
