HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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