In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
