i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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