I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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