how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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