Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
