So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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