ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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