he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
