I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
