i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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