I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
