Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
