I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
