come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
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the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
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I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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